The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 33

Never-ending questions, and why you need to give your mum a break

By Catherine Hudson, editor of FashTravels

FashBaby: A whole new kind of adventure hosted at FashTravels. Here, you’ll find a weekly diary of my pregnancy journey.

I thought I’d look pregnant for nine months? And other questions…

Questions, questions, questions… I’m back in the ‘giving myself a headache’ phase! In the earlier days it was ‘Why does my belly keep going up and down in size? Why am I still tired in second trimester? and, Good pregnancy hair doesn’t happen to everyone, does it?’ Now it’s more, ‘How will I know when my waters break? How likely is it that my baby will be born early? and, Good God, what is a mucus plug?’ I’d say the thing that preoccupied my mind most has been the health of the baby and what is ‘normal’. Also, the size of my baby bump. I’ve been prone to investigating week number hashtags on Instagram and comparing mine to everyone else’s – that’s natural though, right? I did think, mistakenly and not 100% really, that I would look pregnant for nine months. I don’t think I felt like I really looked confidently ‘pregnant’ until about 22 weeks, though I felt her move at about 16 weeks. Now, I feel huge and laugh at my former self who was pushing her tummy out in order to look bigger. Being bigger doesn’t need to be a goal – it isn’t comfortable!

Shake Shack burger giving me life

Real life continues

After losing my boyfriend’s dad so unexpectedly just a couple of weeks ago, everything has been topsy turvy. But baby keeps growing, and all other life marches on whether we are ready for it, or not, while we take to organising a funeral. That really is life, hey. My partner had to have a mole removed from his back because it looked cancerous, (great timing,and I have been rattling on with work, trying to tie up all loose ends before I finish for maternity leave. From next week I will be working from home for three weeks, before having two weeks free before our due date. Who knows if she will adhere to any kind of due date, though. Continuing with NCT classes and buying the last few bits we need for the baby – still need a baby bath, but all the absolute essentials have arrived. So, in the midst of the chaos of all the above, I have been snatching moments to see friends and stay sane, as well as indulge in a box set, and aaaall the food, night in with my lovely boyfriend.

My mum, me and London town

Girls’ day out

Mum and daughter relationships can be tricky. I don’t know why, but I do know it’s not unusual. Maybe it’s some kind of power struggle, or being too similar, or feeling suffocated… But I also know that it’s one of my most important relationships, alongside that of mine with my boyfriend and my sister. My mum is an absolute tower of strength.

Everyone has been through emotional struggles, as has she, but what I admire about her the most is how kind-hearted and loving she has remained throughout. It’s often been due to her kindness that she has been taken for granted. It makes me so angry to see other people abuse her generous nature. And I know sometimes I can roll my eyes or huff too loudly – mainly because I can feel suffocated by how much she fusses me: and what kind of a problem is that to have? To have someone love you so much? I’m not sure I’ll ever figure it out, but what I do know is that she is the person I have always been able to rely on, from being at the end of a phone to dropping everything to be with me or there for me, as she does for my sister, too. Without hesitation.

I have learned so much from my mum to pass on to my relationship with my own daughter. Everyone says their mum is the best but my mum has been the best for me. She has been mum and dad, friend and, sometimes, a frenemy! But she has been constant, and she is already an incredible nan to my niece. I can’t imagine what we would do without her, and I wouldn’t want to, because I also love spending time together, just us.

I wonder how many times we will get to spend a day ‘just us’ post-baby’s arrival? Mum has always wanted to go up the Shard, so I took her for breakfast and it was such a glorious day. We took loads of photos and as she smiled, I thought, I hope I am half as good a mum and half as kind a person as you – because shouldn’t we all hope to be kind and be strong for our next generation?

* I must prelude anything I write in this blog series as totally my own experiences and opinions. I’ve already learned to prefix everything I say in general conversation about pregnancy and babies with, ‘everyone’s different, but…’

YOU CAN FOLLOW ME @FASH.BABY AND @FASHCATHERINE

INSIDE MY BABY BRAIN…

 Things I am loving, this week

  • Family time – My niece Ava can’t wait to meet her cousin! Wonder how she’ll feel, being the eldest?

Ava loves her uncle

  • Our nursery walls – As we live in a new build, all of our walls are white. We decided to jazz up baby’s nursery with some removable wall stickers from Happy Decs. I was a bit nervous to put them up at first but once I got going it was fun, and we’ve had a great response! Looks like wallpaper, right? Much less fuss!

READ MY COLUMN EVERY WEEK HERE ON FASHBABY (A WHOLE NEW KIND OF ADVENTURE) AT FASHTRAVELS.COM, TO FOLLOW MY PREGNANCY JOURNEY

READ MORE…

  1. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Introduction: Weeks 0-18
    Hello, my name is Catherine and I‘m pregnant!
  2. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 19
    Hearing the heartbeat and telling people
  3. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 20
    Sleeping, 20-week scan and nesting
  4. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 21
    Confidence, quiet time and trial runs
  5. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 22
    The one where we went on a babymoon to Sri Lanka
  6. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 23
    Bathtime, being lazy and shaving rules
  7. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 24
    We’re a team, baby – you, me and…
  8. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 25
    Seeing your baby in 4D – what is it and is it a good idea?
  9. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 26
    Christmas, acid reflux and wondering who I am
  10. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 27
    Being stuck in limbo and working 9am – 5pm/6pm/7pm…
  11. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 28
    Injections and indifference
  12. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ Week 29
    Oh right. I’m pregnant…
  13. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what? Week 30
    Advice from friends about what to pack in a hospital bag
  14. The pregnancy diaries: When to start maternity leave
  15. The pregnancy diaries: What formula milk to use?
  16. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what? Week 31
    Get it checked out, washing days and the circle of life
  17. The pregnancy diaries: What to pack in a hospital bag
  18. The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ Week 32
    Considered movements, loving bathtime and starting NCT classes

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