Oh right. I’m pregnant…
By Catherine Hudson, editor of FashTravels
FashBaby: A whole new kind of adventure hosted at FashTravels. Here, you’ll find a weekly diary of my pregnancy journey.
Talk about feeling ‘overwhelmed’
Yes, it’s taken nearly 30 weeks, but despite Googling and reading ALL the pregnancy books and apps, it has only really just sunk in that I have a baby inside me and that I have to get her out. This realisation has led to a feeling of being overwhelmed, feeling physically heavy and prone to bursting into tears. Anxious much? Oh YES. I would really love to try some hypnobirthing lessons, but in reality, with midwife appointments, NCT classes (that start in the next two weeks), a job and all those other life commitments – I just don’t have the time. And feeling bad about not having the time is stressing me out. Not very ‘hypnobirth-y’. So, I have resolved to download some podcasts or an app, or something equally modern – any suggestions of any good ones?
I know. My boobs are out of control – will they ever go down? Don’t answer that.
We went out to a 30th birthday party this Saturday, and got home after midnight. It was a good time, and lovely to catch up with friends. But my goodness, that music was loud… Ugh. Obviously drinking alcohol gives you ear muffs as well as beer goggles. The result of which, was that on Sunday I had a headache – ALL DAY. And I was bored, but I couldn’t shake the headache to make myself get up and do anything more than a half hearted attempt at packing my hospital bag. Which my partner took control of. He also went out (in the snowy rain), to fetch me a Mcdonalds, but by the end of the day, I was crying at him that ‘I’m boring’, and came to the conclusion that you really just can’t be yourself when you are pregnant. The real ‘myself’ enjoys long bike rides, house parties and bottomless Prosecco brunches at the weekend – not all day boxset marathons. And I have noticed that not everyone has stayed in touch, since I fell pregnant. Sure, not on purpose, but me + bump just might not be everyone’s cup of tea. But the ones (which is most) who have, have been invaluable. I have to succumb, as my partner pointed out, to the fact that I am growing a human extension to our family. And that yes, that means I might not always feel like myself. But the important bits are still in there – Prosecco or no Prosecco.
Let’s get physical
As well as the emotional roller coaster the physical symptoms are rearing up every day, now. And the effects of a 45 minute trip to the gym, that mainly consists of stretching, are still felt days later. At the end of a working day, my back feels drier than a dried out wishbone from a large roast turkey, and my pubic bone is on FIRE. Ah yes, another one of those things I had never heard anyone talk of. Apparently, because of the loosened ligaments, down there (and everywhere else), my bones are more likely to grind together causing a burning kind of pain. OUCHY! Five weeks of commuting left, and counting.
It might sound like I’m just moaning this week, and I guess it hasn’t been the most inspiring week, but what it has been is honest. A lot of the time, you (or rather, I), feel like you have to answer ‘how are you feeling?’ with ‘great!’, because it can be so hard to get and stay pregnant that you can feel the pressure of putting on a front. Plus, people don;t want to hear the truth – and I don’t blame them, as a lot of it is downright gross, or possibly boring! But, I’ve been honest with myself about it not all being a picnic, and maybe not being able to ‘have it all’, for the next few
weeks months, and learning to not feel like a failure because I just want to lie down every evening – and that that is ok. And you know what? One kick or roll from her, and everything feels good again. Pregnancy is such a tale of two halves! How can you be so proud of someone you’ve never met?
* I must prelude anything I write in this blog series as totally my own experiences and opinions. I’ve already learned to prefix everything I say in general conversation about pregnancy and babies with, ‘everyone’s different, but…’
You can follow me @fash.baby and @fashcatherine
Inside my baby brain…
Things I am loving, this week
- Nursery prep – Though I think I might be using it as a way to not face up to the realities of pregnancy, i.e. GIVING BIRTH. I think we might nearly be there. Just need to add the cot, which is being delivered next week! This coming weekend, we are going to visit relatives, so I won’t be nesting/hiding in the nursery all weekend – which I think will actually be a welcome/necessary break. That being said, I have to share this, a wooden peg set I picked up in H&M, on which I will hang my most favourite outfits of the moment. Not the most practical use of space, but look, how pretty! The dungarees, or salopettes, are a gorgeous gift from the brand Organic Zoo – so soft and so so sweet. The green knit romper is by Poeme, which I picked up a charity shop (LOVE charity shop finds), and the yellow bubble romper is from Lindex, last year and is probably the smallest thing in her wardrobe. She’ll only wear it once? She’ll poo all over it? I don’t give two hoots.
- Baby’s first magazine appearance – There we are! Bump and I were in the bump gallery at work – Gurgle magazine – in the February issue. I think I’ll include one for the next few months, as I’m sure it will be cute to show her when she is old enough to embarrass. I was thinking, what age did I stop being ‘eye-rolling embarrassed’ by my own mum. It certainly wasn’t as a self-conscious teen! I guess the payback is having your own daughter who rolls her eyes at you!
Things I am loathing, this week
- Feeling inadequate – Worrying about growing the baby well enough, worrying about being interesting to my friends, worrying about keeping family happy… I need to ditch the anxiety! I can easily give myself a headache from worrying that I’m letting someone down.
- Unsolicited advice – I work in an office environment. I probably use the printer about once a day. I was accosted at the printer this week, by someone I had never spoken to (a woman), who told me that photocopying (I wasn’t even photocopying) was terrible for the baby, and that my baby would ‘probably’ be ok, if I hadn’t used it often. Errr, how about, no? Why would anyone think that telling someone their baby is ‘probably ok’, is ok?! Yes, I Googled it after, and yes, I think my baby and I are ok. Cheers.
- Acid reflux – Pass the Gaviscon, please.
Read my column every week here on FashBaby (a whole new kind of adventure) at FashTravels.com, to follow my pregnancy journey
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Introduction: Weeks 0-18
Hello, my name is Catherine and I‘m pregnant!
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 19
Hearing the heartbeat and telling people
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 20
Sleeping, 20-week scan and nesting
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 21
Confidence, quiet time and trial runs
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 22
The one where we went on a babymoon to Sri Lanka
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 23
Bathtime, being lazy and shaving rules
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 24
We’re a team, baby – you, me and…
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 25
Seeing your baby in 4D – what is it and is it a good idea?
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 26
Christmas, acid reflux and wondering who I am
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 27
Being stuck in limbo and working 9am – 5pm/6pm/7pm…
- The pregnancy diaries: ‘I’m pregnant. Now what?’ – Week 28
Injections and indifference